I thought I had a decent list of shitty jobs that I never want to do. But I never thought about shovelling bird shit into twenty pound bags for a living. Is there even a euphamism that would make that job seem not at all horrific? Apian waste relocator. Nope, that definitely sounds like a slice of hell.

Other jobs never to want. Wipe down boy at a peep show. Deodorant tester. Hospital bed pan cleaner. Pork fat renderer. Accountant. Proctologist. Alzheimer's care worker. Grease trap maintenance.

Grease trap maintenance. Okay, when I was a teen I worked as a cook at the pizzeria in the Galleria, a foo foo mall in St.Louis. Under the sinks where we washed all the pans was a filtering pit that collected all the grease that was scraped and washed off. The grease trap. It was set into the floor, covered by a iron plate, locked. It was five feet long, three feet wide, and about three feet deep. Once a month this guy would come in and with a huge vacuum hose suck all the contents out of the grease trap. The stench would bring tears to my eyes. And the guy who collected it was always covered in smelly grime. I'm sure it lingered wherever he went no matter how much he showered and washed his clothes. The defeated resolve look in his face was enough to tell me that no matter what he was getting paid, it wasn't worth doing that fucking job.