My crib is decidedly low on the curtains/shades quotients. Unaffected by spying eyes tracking the bounce of my jiggling uglies. Wanna watch me cream on my tummy, or bend some shortie over my mattress? Go ahead. I know for certain there is better porn available in stores and even on pay per view.

Something extremely satisfying letting the open air graze your bare ass. Recreating the Ministry of Silly Walks on my aquamarine kitchen linoleum floor. The glow of the open fridge outlining my powder pink flesh. Sitting Indian style on my beat up couch eating nachos, brushing corn chip crumbs off my yams.

I pity people that don't have long periods of nakie in their life. That shit's gotta breath homie. Your skin wants to be free.

I have noticed that many of my neighbors have put up visual shields on their own windows after being confronted with the fact that the scenery in my apartment will often include the hairless version of the Abominable Snowman. Then there's the ones that think they're slick. Sitting in the dark checking out how insane the levels of freakdom I will employ. That's right herb, I was working out and flexing my muscles starkers in front of the boob tube. I suggest you combat it with some bare blasts of your own.

A drawback is the need to scramble for clothing when the apartment buzzer blares, or someone knocks on my door. Course, that wasn't even an issue the time the jehovah witness relentlessly beset my Saturday morning. Swung open the portal to spanky's den of sin. Shouted "What do you assholes want, I'm trying to jerk off to Tom and Jerry here!" They don't approach my address anymore. Permenant red x.

Eating sans clothing is awesome. Being a bit of a slob, at least a one in six chance exists that I will spill some grub. Oft times down the front of my shirt or on my jeans. Without the fret of staining wardrobe, I can chow with ease. And when I do dribble, the little escapee is sitting there, defenseless. Waiting for me to slurp them up from my skin. I'll never be afraid to eat off any part of my own body. If anything it just adds some spanky seasonings.

Yeah I'm free, freeeeeee ballin.