YEAR TWENTY NINE THRU THIRTY TWO. Yeah right. Get out of the city.

Began this infernal project a scant few days after I turned twenty nine. In no mental condition to lurch through my archives looking for interesting holes to fill. No plans on changing that mental condition either. Feel free to haunt the unedited freakdom of the last three years all ya like. It will be the only satisfaction you get from me. Bitches ain't nuthin but ho's and tricks, lap on dese nuts and suck da dicks.

Feel slightly thematically directionless now. Reminding the creative enzyme skull factory of days when updating without boundaries was the norm. Good distraction for my loonie endochrine system.

I am thinking of starting a professional dodgeball league. Not really, I have zero motivational commisionner personalities. You'd think at least one voice in my head was capable of running a sports organisation. Alas and alack, tis bereft of truth. Still, hasn't been a street level game begging for prime time recognition like dodgeball in recent history.

BOMBARDMENT! See it this Thursday night on ESPN! The Brooklyn Hoods versus the Milwaukee Cans at Schlitz Stadium. First hundred ticket holders receive an official ADL red rubber ball, with insignia and the ADL seal of body blasting approval. BE THERE, BE THERE, BE THERE!

I'd also want the running commentators and announcers on the P.A. to taunt the players from the booth. Ball bounces off someone's grill, "FACE!". Guy takes one in the testicles, "NUTMEG!". Also, music will be played constantly, volumn lowered for referee rulings and of course the commentator taunts. Songs like "Another One Bites the Dust", "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" and "You Talk Too Much".

Also slow motion replay will own a heavy part of the show. Must see the gritty details of ferocious tosses bouncing off of someone's skull. Acrobatically creative leaps and tumbles to avoid stinging hits. Multiple strikes knocking a player to his or her rear. Exquisite pummelled expressions of the tagged out. Bliss.

Who wouldn't upgrade their cable service for superior coverage of the American Dodgeball League? A spliff, some nachos, and thine. Perfect in home slacker entertainment. Sign those fucking endorsement checks now dammit. I will heroically albeit reluctantly generate a commissioner personality soley for the purpose of bringing Bombardment to life.

I can see my canonisation now. Stained glass diorama of me, arm cocked with red rubber ball ready to strike at the enemies of fun everywhere. Rejoice!