Mr. Coltrane's version of "My Favorite Things" ain't completely working the magic. I could chew the enamel off of people's teeth right now. If I see just one more motherlode guano instance of sparkly tinkle yulefarts, I will leak radioactive blood. Acid reflux of all things red and green.

Tossed aside the sheets. Sweat rivulets tickling my sides. Water filled Gotham pipes boiling away. Chiming on, screeching alive. The naughty bisque from the night before glaze baked brightly on my skin. My cloth kiln has cooked me enough.

Blasting the scalp with bright shower. Running fingernails through individual strands passing the slide show of medical test result possibilities. At least the wait is done. Few more steps to the outer world and federal advisory rigamarole and I'll know if my fluids are taint free.

Kicking crumpled Italian flag bespeckled paper cup down the sidewalk. Playing an old childhood game of walk the dog. What I called it anyway. Try to sneaker juggle a pebble from the curb of my house all the way to the front steps of McKnight Elementary. Regressing to days of principal's office visits. More than a few times it was deemed necessary for me to begin my scholastic day with an administrative visit. "Mrs. Brent is concerned about your habit of.........." spooge spooge spooge. I am concerned over Mrs. Brent's cheese breath when she chides me for being smarter than her. Must be rough on your menopausal dried dust chamber when a second grader outwits you on a constant basis you waste of district funding. Craggy rock faced lizard cunt.

Primed the pump melancholy. Remembering faces with my brief destiny in their fumbling hands. The first visit to see this social worker to do the inescapable pretest speech grinded my ham a little. I showed punctually, as I can do no else. Shake frustratingly out my boxers if I ever think I will be tardy. Asked the desk clerk where to meet this person. She was standing right there next to him, she tells me to cool my heels back in the waiting room.

I could hear her continue her flirting gossip with the desk boy. Ignoble shrew made me wait for thirty minutes, a good fifteen passed the scheduled appointment time. I wanted to put knuckles in her diaphragm. Not like I was waiting to get tested for HIV or anything, you low rent more tits than brains whore.

Sigh.

So I show today few ticks after noon. Informed she left early for the day. Futile protesting, demand to see someone as I had been pencilled in. No help. I had to know. With my whiskers quivering I tell the desklackey to inform me of her reason for neglecting her useless, yet crucial to my results, duties. Christmas shopping.

Mutheranalraping XMAS SHOPPING! Oh dear leaping lord. The streets will run tinsel laden crimson. I nearly imprinted his nameplate into his forehead as he smiled. Smiled, as if everyone accepts goblin fucking xmas shopping as a legitimate excuse for not letting someone know if they have rampant disease flowing through their arteries. I'd like to eat children right now.

One person. Just one. Just one of you bell ringing, fuzzy sweater wearing, caroling smegthroats offers me a holiday tidings. I will claw my chest open with my own fingers, and stone them to death with my pulsing internal organs. Santa cocksuckers.