Well, because of some miscalculations on my part, and some unexpected bills that hit, I am not jumping out of a plane this saturday. Booooooo.

Well, alright I mean I spend a little too much on the ladies. But that is usually figured into my budget anyway. Yes I calculate the money spent on women in my budget. And I got swept up into a bachelor party this week. I was hanging at my bar after work, and this guy I know storms in with a posse. They were in the midst of a bachelor party, and when I found out I bought the motley crew a round of drinks. Which didn't cost me much since the bartenders charge me so little for drinks. And it got rowdy, and I make friends too easy. Believe me its a problem when you make friends easy cause then every jack off ends up slobbering all over you for the entire night. So they absolutely would not take no for an answer when they invited me along to the strip club.

I like strip clubs and strippers. I think any lady who knows her power to make guys spend all their money on them and has the balls to get naked in front of ape-like idiots is cool in my book. Now I am not a regular habitue of nudie bars. But I've been to few in my life. The strippers always end up liking me (one cause I tip better than most slobs, and two I always smile with enjoyment while they dance, most guys stare hard and cold, or give that evil grin) On four seperate occasions (including the current story I am relating) I wound up going home with one of the strippers, no money involved, except for whatever I spent on them at the club.

That night a beautiful Puerto Rican girl named Velvet (obviously fake) was there. She was short, long black hair, round ass, small perky tits, full lips, slight gap in her teeth, yummy light chestnut skin, smelled like cinnamon, cute little pudgy feet - well manicured (the ultimate turn on for me), and best of all she could talk intelligently. She wasn't a dancer on stage, she roamed the room looking for prey. She saw me grooving to the music and enjoying myself so she sidled up to me. We started joking around, I made her laugh. She insisted on a private slow dance.

Now I know its all an act for these girls. But you can tell , if your not a retard (most guys are) when your genuinely turning a woman on. During our dance she started letting me touch her where the house rules said I shouldn't. I kept smelling her neck and hair. She rubbed her thigh up and down my leg into my crotch. Next thing I know shes insisting that we get one of the private rooms downstairs.

After the chaperone explains the rules and left, Vanessa (she told me her real name) tears off her clothes and most of mine, throws me down on a chair and jumps on top of me. After slowly grinding on each other for a while she leads me to the bed lays down and squirts lotion on her chest. She tells me to rub her "all over".

I have been told I have nice hands to all the women I've been with. If you let me massage you, chances are your going to be sleeping with me very quickly. My time in the room with Vanessa runs out, and the chaperone comes back to break us up. We both had a hard time not getting it on for real. The chaperone leaves so we can have our goodbyes. As Vanessa gets dressed she says "your not going anywhere tonight, I'm gonna take you home and hurt you". So I wait at the bar while she handles one more customer. They're kicking everybody out and she tells me to wait for her around the corner. After thirty minutes or so were getting in a cab to go to her place.

Technically, since I did pay for all the stuff in the club you could say that I paid for the rendez-vous at her crib. But all those other guys paid for that stuff and I don't remember them in the bed with us that night. She was pretty agressive in bed, and seemed like she was getting some of the frustrations of her career out on me. I actually am still sore. I don't know how long we were going at it (day broke before we passed out) but I do know I came four times. I ain't a kid no more and marathon lovin like that can tap me sometimes.

So instead of jumping out of a plane, I got jumped by one of the sexiest creatures I have ever been with. It's about as permanent a memory as plummeting to the earth, so I shouldn't gripe. Once again I have an incredible night of satiation, followed by a lonely empty feeling, and pissed off at myself for ruining a chance to do something I've always wanted to do. I'm sure I'll do it again, especially if Vanessa gives a booty call. And yes if she wanted to date me I would, it would never work out, and then I'd end up having another female friend, who would call me up whenever she was depressed or confused about boys. I'm going to go drink now. Bye.