Technically I know its all in my head and I should be able to shake it off. Never works that way. I have to suffer for a couple of weeks until my chemicals get realigned. I haven't even been able to jerk off. Can't get up the emotional energy to generate a stiffy.

Part of me is thinking violently. I have been fantasizing of attacking innocent people on the subway, in the elevator, in line at the chinese restaurant, at the bar, in my apartment, where ever others be. Ugly little boy inside of me that thinks by causing pain to someone else it will ease my own pain. Or that if others are feeling pain then my pain isn't isolated.

This is the unfortunate time to be me. When my brain won't shut up, and it won't stop criticizing me. Look at there, I didn't it again. Boo hoo hoo. Feeling sorry for myself. Fucking lame ass bitch, snap out of it. Goddamn it.