I haven't worked in the food/liquor service industry for years, but oh I remember. Any of you shits out there that don't feel its necessary to tip generously for being served, need to have your black hearted stingy body dragged down the street by your feet.

Argument 1. Well the owners of the establishment should be paying their staff adequately enough where they don't rely on tips, and I refuse to buy into a corrupt system. Do you want the food and drink that you get to be double the cost? Of course not you penny pinching fuck. Your just using the facade of caring about the common man to facilitate you holding onto a couple of extra bucks. If you don't want to pay for being waited on, then get take out, or cook your own goddamn food, and mix your own goddamn drinks. Stop punishing the worker bee for what you see as an evil practice by The Man. Selfish prick.

Argument 2. Well the tip is an extra, and only deserving of those that go the "extra mile". Look, maybe you want to be an ignorant, out of the loop, asshole. So by all means don't show your street cred by holding back the bills. You wanna know why I am always greeted with a smile, barely pay for my drinks, always get a good seat, food always fresh and served quickly, and generally get treated as a friend where ever I go. Cause the first time I showed my mug there, I spread the wealth around regardless of the sunnyness of the staff. They tend to remember that you were the guy that gave them the extra buck that the rest of the schmucks didn't. You ain't royalty, and even if you were, your shit stinks like everybody else's. So prove your worth up front, even if it means dealing with being treated less then the way your accustomed, and it'll payoff in the end.

Argument 3. Well I'm a little short on cash, but I still deserve to eat and drink like the rest of you. Sure you do. But your not just going in for food and drink. Your going in for someone to prepare and serve you the food and drink you are getting. Wanna know how people who are serving you pay for their food and drink. With tips. So if your hungry, but can't afford the tip, they're called supermarkets. And if your thirsty but you can't afford the tip, they're called discount liquor stores. Just because your some broke ass chump, don't expect hard working types to have to carry you. Thats called being a leech or parasite. You may enjoy being one. Just pray you don't require some kind of assistance while dissing the wait staff at the restaurants you infect with your loser aura. I'd think twice about giving the Heimlich to the chump that was always stiffing me on the bill.

Argument 4. Shit, I don't gotta pay for nothing that ain't on the bill. Thats just ghetto. You wanna know what that hardcore attitude has gotten you. And believe me I know. I worked and played in the restaurant world for six years. You have definitely eaten a little something extra in your food. I'll let your imagination fill in the blanks as to what it could be. I promise you, as an official observant and occasional participant, no bullshit. Bon appetit.

Be human. Tip, and tip well.