I take no small pride in the fact that I have some intelligence when it comes to the female mind. I in no way mean this to say I understand women. That would be one of those 2001: Space Odyssey "my god, its full of stars" moments. But I try and log information about what this or that chick did when I or another guy did this or that, and the navigational map starts drawing itself.

I've already asked a few of my female friends what they thought of a certain situation. Answers were varied. Not at all conclusive. I need results dammit. Please if you are one of the fine ladies that already gave your opinions, don't think your advice was not valuable, it rocked, I just need more of a consensus, or if there is a lack of one to parse out all the info given to a somewhat common result. Yes, that was a run-on sentence. Yes, if you did not know, I am a huge geek. Adorable geek some say, but a geek none the less.

So the situation is that I'm out with my best friend and a bunch of his coworkers. One guy (met him that night) had his girlfriend in town from Toronto. She was actually looking for jobs in NYC to move here, apparently in with him. So me and her struck up a conversation. Soon she was ignoring her man, and I was ignoring everybody else but her. I made her laugh, she made me laugh. After a while, whenever I was speaking to her she was inspecting every part of my face with, what looked to me, inquisitive fascination. Like she was recording all of my features in her brain for future use. She'd stare at my goatee, then my ears, then my hairline, then my eyebrows, then my mouth, etc. As an aside, since I was asked this by all the women I relayed this story to, no, she was not drunk, high, or tripping. All she drank the whole night was juice.

So the question is: why was she so intent on studying every inch of my facial features? Please ladies, do respond. I like knowing more about you guys. This is an earnest request, and it won't be used for anything evil. Thanks.