I'm beginning to be more preturbed over people accusing me of being a negative force. I admit I am a cynic and oft times pessimistic. "Your so negative" Your so deluded. Look, you bring up a fairy tale scenario to me, especially one where the fantasy is not at all appealing to me, and I'm gonna tweak out the theoretical problems. Man would have never landed on the moon, or depending on your penchant for governmental conspiracy, been able scam the public into believing that we landed on the moon, without a few of the project's contributors asking..."what if?". Besides, when was the last time you encountered a retard who was cynical or pessimistic? I ain't necessarily suggesting that since retard = retarded, and retard = optimistic, that optimistic = retarded, but I'd be willing to lay down some solid cash that a few mathematicians could devise a working theorem to prove it to be true.

I do have moments of ecstasy, joy, and satisfaction. A decent amount of them too. People are under the delusion that so called negative people are constantly miserable. Just can't find elation in the simple hope of a utopian situation. Sure I have thoughts like, wouldn't it be grand if I had endless funds, surrounded by gorgeous ladies who thought I was the penis king, seeing spectacualr sights, experience the full vigor that life has to offer. I just don't fool myself into thinking that it will ever actually happen. Life is strife. Disappointments and failures will constantly chew at your heels. It's harsh. I've personally been struggling since I was twelve independently through the muck, with many successes and triple the amount of loss. It's reality. "Your so negative." Take the pillow from your head and snap out the purple skied dream world you live in.

Thinking of moments. A couple of nights ago a honey announced during a group discussion that "I'm man enough ( yes SHE proclaimed herself to be manly enough, trust me she's all woman ) to admit I'd rather be on my back right now". Forty eight hours later I'm at work, still stoned, eyes crossed, bruises on my knees and elbows, and various marks speckling my flesh. I positively want to see her again, in reality or fantasy.