The scumporation I slave for survived the great dot bomb. Aquired failing businesses in the same field, that lost the economy battle, and then shit canned the aquired staff. Ended the income of many loyals. In this office alone there might be a tenth of the coworkers there were when I started. Been spreading the sunshine lard on real thick too. Constant webcast's from the stink headcheese in charge proclaiming our greatness and how the future's so bright, you better wear shades. Shades dark enough that you can't see their foul cock pulling up to the rear for a screw job.

Yay we profitted. So, why didn't any of us earn a raise last year? Why did the weekly employee get togethers end? Why did our insurance premiums have to be increased? Why are you relocating things to the cheaper wild wild west? Yeah, sell your snake oil elsewhere. Fucking suits.

Most likely a company that survives during the days of war and want are run by a bunch of shysters. Misery opportunists with wide bright smiles.

I've been in survival mode for a dangerous stretch now. Don't even consider the evaluation of selfish as a negative one anymore. Some professional sociologists proclaim that people need to be selfish with their time and energy sometimes. It's real easy to push the peddle and make it a full time gig.

I hate running in survival mode. Didn't have platinum safety pins on my diapers though. The powers that be enjoy having the lower tiers stay there. Who else will pick up their refuse?

Personally feeling shackled by health. It ain't no joke. Without continual access to medical help I will go blind. If I can't afford, or if the government is unwilling, to provide me with certain eye drops, the pressure in my eyes will gradually increase, and obliterate my optic nerves. Straight up. It's a reality to deal with. And I can accept it. Can't accept that I have to lick bootheels and snip my balls to maintain.

And, apologies to whomever would be damaged by it. Even the statement of it. But, if I go blind I will try and kill myself. I can't deal with it. I will not survive that. I can't rationalise my life like that. Shit keeps me up at night.

Some survival shows strength in character. I mean, the denizens of NYC are all staunch survivors. Accomplished with courage, tenacity, and a unique diversity that breeds a special point of view. People just aren't allowed as much opportunity to swallow bullshit here. The real is the fucking real. Back up with man behind the curtain light show. We have to smell the reality poop on the regular.

I can't trust survival out of fear, greed, and complete contempt for other's right to function. If the only reason you climbed out of that snowy ravine, both legs smashed pulpy, is fear of death. Well, I'd rather you didn't make it. If the only reason a business venture prospers after or during a depression, feeding off the suffering of the struggling, then I'd like to see your whole group swallowed up by the earth. And if the only way you can feed your addictions is to rape and pillage, well I'd like to see you visciously and publicly tortured.

I am gonna work damn hard to not be in survival mode anymore. I hope I don't disappoint myself with severe asshole behavior to achieve that goal. I'll try and remember the reason I don't like most people, and not act like them.