I was wondering about something. Where in the wide wide world of plate tectonics is Old Zealand? I know old Yorks and Jersey's are in limey land somewheres. I've smelled the filth of old Mexico. Orleans was some French stuff. I don't really know where the old Rochelle went to either, but I hardly give a fuck about New Rochelle to start with.

Zealand sounds sort of like a mythical place. Two inch blueberry skinned imps running around from toadstool house to toadstool house. Bearded Papa Zeal doling out the wise advice and life lessons. Clumsy Zeal accidentally busting Handy Zeal's thumb with a tiny hammer, "Owwwwich! Zeally heck, you zealed my thumb Clumsy!".

Maybe Zealand was the alternate name of Atlantis. Except the Atlantians kept it as a secret. Erected a densely foiliated lush island out of the Pacific Ocean. Snuck in and planted a flag. Convinced everyone that it is now New Zealand. Map makers high on mead and cow dung fungus didn't even question that there was never an older Zealand on record.

Course it's probably some wealthy dickwipe named Zeal. His sailing vessel crashed on the shores of the island. While taking a piss in the weeds he decided to claim the place and call it New Zealand. Trumpets blare.

Actually, I'd almost rather not know the truth. My own versions of Olde Zealand would surely entertain me more than the actual course of history. Good old Olde Zealand, with it's mermaids, dream berries and imbred rich settlers.