We did harm the virtues of youngsters. Couple teenagers fresh from college dorms, slid in the nonbouncered door. I wasn't the first one in the posse to mack on em. Once the debate commenced I was more than happy to insert my deviant views. Apparently, as after reports suggest, I was engaged in a lip lock with the blonde at some point. Good old firewater.

Crew wound up at my crib. Passing the ember to the left. Homie Jav was ripped. Love the bastard to death, but ninja is a seek and destroy personal possession missionist whence inebriated. Woof. Dude attempted a curb endo in my kitchen on some flat ass tires of the decorative mountain bike sculpture collecting dust. Again, traditional danger fingers all in my Simpson's action figures collection. Rustles my leaves that. I had to initiate heel and sit leash commands once he sidled up to this machine. Back off spanky's bitch. Only he may masterfully tickle her buttons.

Dropped my apartment keys into a glue trap. I always figured I would end up klutzing into them one day. Same exact sticky snare caught a mouse overnight. Possibly my visitors rustled enough scary noise to confuse the rodent. Mighty mouse is in the garbage can. RIP oh furry one.

Happy I am the holiday season has squeezed out it's last noisome fart. Be off with you calendar swine.

Contacted the Family Command Center Midwest. Inlaw strife underway. Geographical tug o' war for the star dates. Gladly, I have long opted myself out of such yulefelch scenarios. Rather be brushing Dorito crumbs off my bare tummy watching bad movies than pretending I gleefully wanted a new sweater, choking on eggnog, dodging questions of my marital status. My brother in law's shrew of a mommy insists that all gather around her for the big names in holiday fetes. She's quite a unreasonable brat about it. Bitch is jewish and insists that easter dinner be at her house. So, when Baby Sis drags her hubby to the wilds of Wisconsin for the tissue paper shredding madness, she initiates a chasm of bubbling sputem. Hey lady, if my sis hasn't said it already, graze on the short and curlies ya self important twat.

Same brother in law had a terrific time with the northerners. He did electrocute himself on a live goat fence however. Tricksy Gramma's toilet also overflowed on him horribly after a simple tinkle. My man, not your fault, welcome to white trash.

All the old people were in good spirits. Still churning away on the life. Disease invaders have a plate set for them at the supper table. Come on in ya sneaky microscopic rascals. Talking to people brewed in Great Depression soup. Inject some cancer in there all ya like. They've seen worse communal rashes.

Before talking to Ma and Pop yesterday, I was ruminating on the idea of writing what I can remember of the four octogenarian pillars of my genetic freakdom. And so I shall. Next episode; Orv, the germanic fisherman from Oshgosh. AKA Grandpa.