Smushing potatos through my toes, and shoving peas up my nose. Sitting in a chair of lime jello. Trying to balance a beast on my elbow. Seeing if my tongue can touch my adam's apple. Renaming my wee wee the aye shaggy zoom zapple.

You ever take a toothpick. Methodically twist it between your teeth to slowly bring up a stinging pain? Or attach clothespins to your ears and lips and let them squeeze your nerves until you can't take it? Or start gnawing on the skin aroung your fingernails? Boredom is wonderful.

You ever have a one night stand and then the next few days just want sex even more, and then you wish you had just kept your dick (or clit) in your pants so that you weren't salivating around every attractive person that brushes up against you, and then you occasionally touch yourself while at work, and then someone notices and you play it off like your scratching yourself, and that just makes the person think you got an itchy crotch and don't have the class to go to the bathroom (or bathe) and unleash your fury in there, and then you go out and drink yourself stupid, and tell the cute bartender how you like to masturbate at least twice a day, and then that somehow endears them to you and others as well who overhear, and then you have a diatribe with complete strangers about flagging away, and then your so fuckin horny again that the you leave with the first skank to offer to take you home, smoke some bong hits, and shag silly, and then you wake up the next day knowing that you are going to be a libidinous mess all over again? No? Me neither.