I am kind of large guy. No Guinness record holder by any means, but I do get "Hey big guy" quite a bit. As such, I displace a decent quantity of water. I have a small NYC bathroom. And when I'm done bathing it looks like an elephant came in there and shook off after wading in the watering hole. I wonder what people think who go in there after me. "What is he doing in here? Violent epiletic seizures? Jumping jacks in the shower?" If they only knew.

Genetically speaking I'm gonna go nuts. From what I understand most of your traits come from your father's mother, and your mother's father. So I'm gonna be a drunk old loon, who'll end up tossing his bowling ball in the river cause I no longer wanted it. Explaining that will be difficult, must not try, will burn noggin, gack. I will one day have to list the genetic traits that make up my code. What kind of code makes a deviant freak? Then explore the external influences on that shiznit.

I am a giggle beast. And a stinker. Giggle giggle stinker. I need that on my tombstone or on a t-shirt, one or the other, but not both dammit, that would be ridiculous.

Worship the time on the cable box. It is always there like a red beacon of stability. Never fail me o black box of timely excellence. How my days would be foul if you blanked out on my ass. I shall kiss you every night to appease you, just never let your LCD brilliance fade.

I am a naughty boy, and anything that keeps me from being exceedingly naughty is an admirable thing. I applaud all those that have accomplished this feat. Bravo. To you there will be many honors awaiting you in the halls of Valhalla. Your nobility is sweet to behold.