Rushed down to my friend's apartment. Stripped naked. Cranked the cold water in the shower. Had a body encompassing orgasm, praising the gods of plumbing for delivering their watery delights to my lowly frame. Flopped on her bed, dripping wet, lights off, and sans clothes. She had a window fan next to her bed, and I was desperate for air to cross my skin. Giggled uncontrolably as the finale of the fireworks was reflected on her walls. People came in to check on me and all I could do was laugh talk, you know when your diaphragm spasms cause you can't stop laughing and then you try to speak. Laugh talk. Plus people kept stepping on the cat's tail in the dark. Which I thought was the height of comedy in my state. All in all an extremely enjoyable Independence Day.

This year I'm working. Granted it's overnight and I still got to see shit blow up. And it was cloudy out which made the display etherial and alien like. Nice. But it climaxed to having to trek to work. Boo.

So in my sour mood, and the fact that I ain't a patriot, I would like to make some democratic holiday suggestions.

Gather as many stars and stripes as you can, roll them up into log like bundles, and set them ablaze. When people protest, put the fire out by pissing on it. Paint a church red, white, and blue. Go to your local diner, and recreate Mount Rushmore with the patron's food. Go to an old folks home and replace all the dentures with wooden teeth. Find a prostitute that most resembles one of our founding fathers, male or female, and ask them for some magna carta. Start voting, right now, cause like it matters or something. Fix the crack in the Liberty Bell, no charge. Go to some peaceful island where the natives still have not been westernized and distribute diseased flea infested blankets. Bow down to manifest destiny, bitch. Hunt down the commies in your hood, and give them a serious spanking. The time for finger wagging and lectures are over, those naughty communists need some stern discipline. Find an apple pie and fuck it.