Also I generally don't go the lotion route. I'm not gonna pretend that my hand is some disembodied moist pussy. I like the raw power of my bare hand. Oooooo my hand is a vagina and my fingers are little tongues. No, my meat hook is kneading me into a frothy finish.

The best is when you discover a semen stain on your clothes far from inside the protective walls of your home. Like discussing the new corporate structure with your boss. Or walking down the street with your smokin lady friend amidst your first date. What's that on the bottom of your shirt? Um, oh that, had some hummus today for lunch. Its a mark that you just can't lick off. Infernal stuff. It's the worst tattletale on earth. Just ask Monica Lewinski.

By the way, I would love for Monica to give me a hummer. I bet she could suck the color off of my dick. Any mouth talented enough to risk jeapordizing a presidency, is a mouth my cock wants to meet. She'd probably spell my name across my shaft with her tongue. And you gotta know that cute little piggy swallows, the shit that fell on her Gap dress was just an inadvertent dribble. Maybe he made her laugh while she was drinking it in and it came through her nose.