For a brief period of time in high school I sold crack. Lower income hell makes dispensing poison for profit disturbingly tempting. A guy I knew who was also slingin rocks got caught. Since he was a minor, they confiscated his parents house and car. The vicarious guilt hit me immediately and I dropped out of the game right then.

Stole a school bus. Even after getting ejected from the public school system, the rules of private schools were meant to be broken as far as I was concerned. This guy was boasting about how he learned how to hot wire cars and that he could do it any time. So me and a couple of guys challenged him to take us for a ride in the school bus. We barely got it out of the ditch we wedged it in.

At boy scout camp. Yeah I was a fucking boy scout, and an altar boy if you can believe that. Decided it would be cool to put all the cans of grape soda into the campfire. Four of us huddled around waiting. A small pop and one guy "ooooooooo"s sarcastically. Almost immediately the cans launch one after the other into the air. Raining hot pop down on us. Cans assaulting nearby campers and tents. One can lodges into the windshield of the scout master's family wagon.

My friends decide to prank me during lunch run at Crackdonald's. As I open the back car door they hit the gas peddle. I, of course, dive in and send soda and junk food everywhere. Tumbling along the parking lot, fortunately nothing broken, I look up. My two friends step out of the car, Pepsi dripping from each of them.

Got invited to a movie birthday party, somewhere around third or fourth grade. Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Do all the age math you want. Decided to fill my mouth with chewed popcorn and red slushie. Looked over at my friend making a blowfish face. He pushes both my cheeks in and I hose the seats in front of me with the sugary slurry.

Got a ball stuck in a tree. Decide to use my neighboor's hose nozzle ( that word always cracks me up - nozzle, snicker ) to knock it from the branches. After more than twenty tries, chewing up the nozzle as it kept smacking into the pavement, I finally nail the ball. Couple days later get confronted by the neighboor. I tell him I had no idea what he was talking about.

Daily shoplifted cans of tuna fish when I was broke and hungry during my stint at NYU.

During my NYU days, I used to go around the city, baked out of my gourd, and sing a song. I'd go up to people doing some task, such as street repair. And I do a Sesame Street style song where I would sing "What are you doing over there guy, it looks like your doing something great". Many classic New Yorker looks on that one.

Stole a hot dog display. Cardboard cut-out of a hot dog guy at a 7-11. I walk in and tell the clerk "hey I'm gonna take this" He says "no your not" as I walk out the doors with it.

On a canoe trip. Partnered up with my mother. She's in the back steering. I see us rapidly approach a rock. So I stand up, point to it, and yelp "we're gonna hit a rock!" My mom reaches over to grab me and make sure I don't take a dip. We hit the rock, she goes into the drink, and I sit high and dry in the canoe.

During some science lab experiment in seventh grade we were utilizing dry ice. Took a chunk of it and inserted it into the toilet. Was only interested in the vapor that bubbled out, had no idea the intense cold would burst pipes.

Laughed at my pop's expense too much. Watching Saturday morning cartoon fest. Hear a noise in the ceiling. Next thing my pop is crashing through and lands ass first on top of the t.v. splayed out like a dead fish. Crackin up. Burglar alarm kept going off during the day. Suspected it was the dog setting it off. So he bounds down the hallway, jumps onto the bed on all fours and barks at the window. Crackin up. And on and on.

Me and a homie used to make fireworks out of homemade gun powder, gravel, and empty soda cans. Called them Coke bombs. Extra long wicks so that we could place them into the open windows of cars, and dash. Ruined many an apolstry.

Put Deep Heat on the toilet seat in the faculty's bathroom of my high school. A sports muscle rub twenty times more potent than Bengay. Apparently smeared on the physics teacher's nuts, pain so bad he passed out onto the tile floor.

Took four rolls of duct tape, and sealed up my high school late one night.

Out of all the crap I pulled at school, the only one I got into trouble with, on this list at least, was the bus thing. Just born to be naughty.