Test the tolerance of my manager's skull. Drive the brick into his cranium until it pops like a zit. How many bricks does it take to get to the center of ditsy boss? One....two....three! Crunch! Three bricks to the center of a ditsy boss. Thanks Mr. Owl.

Draw a face with chalk on the brick. Design a brick sized pink dress, and affix a pair of plastic feet to the bottom and a pair of plastic arms on the sides. All your doll expense woes disappear as you design your own brick chicks for your daughter's amusement.

Stumble out of the bathroom, holding your sides complaining of intestinal pain. Breathing heavily announce that you just "passed a brick". When the next person makes a trip to the potty they will discover the strategically placed genuine masonry brick that you put in the toilet. Hilarity ensues.

Wrap up a brick in brown shipping paper. Address it to current resident somewhere in the Middle East. Congratulations you just contributed to the Overseas Projectile Weapon Charity Fund. Because America cares dammit.

Next extended road trip bring along your friend the brick. Out on the open road, highway stretching in front of you, find your perfect speed. Place the brick atop your accelerator foot. Voila, you can now thumb your nose at those salesmen creeps from the car dealership, as you have just installed your own version of cruise control.

Make a trip to the local bowling alley. Shove your brick into the ball uptake hole. Find a seat at the bar with the best view. Pound back drinks as your efforts reward you with a glorious mini armegeddon, ball machine bursting at the seams, parque wood floor material splintering and assaulting everyone with oak shrapnel. Emit a sinister laugh as the lane attendants fail to detain all the customers from running in panic. Silly fools.

Forget padding your underwear with a sock. Nothing drives the women wild like the squared off angles your crotch will make after you stuff your pants with a brick. Get your groove on you sexy brick dick man.

Walk the streets, cradling the brick in your arms swaddled in a satin lined blanket. Stroke the brick lovingly. Make baby talk to it. Say "Who's the cutest little thing in the world, you are, you are." When interested passerbys ask to see your bundle of joy, tell them "Okay, but be careful". When they peel back the binky, drop the brick on their foot. Scream "You killed it! You killed it!"

Next time you check into a hotel, bring along your brick. When the bellhop stands in your room waiting for his tip, gingerly place the brick into his palm. Tell him "There's more where that came from if you play your cards right".

Use it to help build a brick wall. It's a brick for fuck's sake.