Shocked awake the next day with the now predictable throat pain and spastic coughing. Left eye sticky. Imagined that my head was positioned just so that as I drooled it slithered into my socket, pooled there, and then, as it evaporated, left a crusty residue. I didn't tell you to consume snacks while reading my shit, keep your "ewwwwws" to yourself. Anyway, stumbling naked towards the bathroom trying to clear my eye. Winking back at me in the mirror was a gummy crimson mess that could only be conjunctivitis. Muthafucking pink eye.

Phase one, denial. Quickly replaced with phase two, completely livid. What mischevious pillowcase gnomes decided to complicate my health woes by gang banging the squishy space between my eyelids with their tiny uncircumsised infested fairy cocks? Maybe I should stop letting Portugeuse sailors on shore leave lick my eyeballs for ten bucks a pop. Kidding.

Seriously, I was ready to start believing in god, just so I could curse him out and fuck a hole in every holy book that exists to exact my revenge. Murphy's laws were definitely having their way with my rectum.

Why so mad? Well, the night before, feeling beyond crummy. Got home late after schmoozing with the theater peeps. Two messages blinking on the machine. First, your standard credit card financing service prattle to be ignored. Second, oh second. It was the chick. The chick I've been losing my entire shit over and was gonna give up on. "Spanky, you silly boy, I had to leave town to see my family in Houston, it was great hearing your voice........". She's into me, and she wants to call me the next day so we can do something together. She was actually unreachable, no fucking mind games. She wants me.

Next day I look like a troll.

Regardless, we had a long talk on the phone, me avoiding actually hooking up later in the day with the whole troll thing. Sweetest thing she said ( christ I am so fucking retarded now ) was that she wants to come with me to help pick out a dog at the pound. Don't even know why I think its nice, just do. Whatever muther jumpers, I think this is going to happen. Christ I'm shaking. I'm so dead.