Back in third grade we were tasked to write a report. Don't exactly remember what gufunkled subject matter it was. Do recall that the teach, Mrs. Rosen, had us research the damn things in encyclopedias. Sitting in formica cubicles of the school's library. The pattern of the laminate top looked like soggy cornflakes floating in milk. Names gouged down to the particle board. Giant puffy drab green headphones for the new craze in audiotape learning.

I remember basically copying the two paragraphs of the topic I was working with almost verbatim. Burgeoning plaigarist. Shortcuts like that always seemed acceptable to me if I thought the forced learning was boring. Get that shit out of the way and on to the next till my freedom from schoolyard shackles.

Course, Mrs. Rosen was a wily redhead. She told me I was gifted, but not so much so that I could write a perfectly worded paper such as this at my age. I, of course, protested. Seeing as I changed a few words here and there how could she possible trace my deviousness?

She pointed to a word with her red pen and asked me what it meant. A little three letter word, written in my own handwriting. Via. Hemmed and hawed, shuffled my feet. Quickly read, and re-read the sentence to try and snatch out the meaning from context. Came up with a bullshit stuttering response.

Floored me. I got played. Played by a three letter word. Same quantitative space in sentence line as cat, dog, sit, and and for crippled christ sake. Wasn't slightly upset about the possible disciplinary actions or failed grade for the paper. Just pissed at being chumped.

After that point I never employed a single syllable without understanding it's complete meaning. Started gobbling up books, and no longer casually glazed over a word that I didn't understand. I had to know what it meant. I became extremely interested in vocabulary. I found more faith in the dictionary than any other document.

A master of words is a master indeed. No collection of vowels and consonants would ever make me their bitch again.

This is a big shout out to via. Via, without your ability to stupify and blaze my ass at a tender age I may never had a lust for verbiage. All hail via! Via, youse da man.